What makes a relationship a relationship? How do you choose your partner?
Obviously, you wouldn't be with someone who is vastly different from your own convictions. Like, I wouldn't date a serial killer, or a drug addict, or someone who loves torturing and killing animals, or someone who is a Justin Beiber fan (just sayin').
But then again, no one will be able to fit your perfect match. No one will be your all in all. No one will be able to make you completely happy. The solution to that is to have other people substituting or outsourcing what your partner lacks.
If your partner may not like travelling as much as you do, you go find someone else to travel with. He/she may not be interested about baking/reading, so you outsource and spend time with someone who does. To what extent can you "outsource" all these things but still have a relationship with this person?
With that in mind, I now wonder, to what extent do you say of this person, "This is the one for me"?
Some people say, you should have the same sense of humour or whatever is important to you. What IS important to me? And why is it important?
I know of couples who even have sexual relationships outside of their partnership but both are fine with it. This greatly puzzles me because maybe I currently view sex as exclusive. I've also heard of couples who date each other but they have their own homes to go back to at the end of the day. They're both divorcees and this arrangement suits them.
Then I also ask, is there really a point of getting married again? When I'm already at this age where I won't be able to have kids, why do I need to tie myself down with anyone? The meaning of marriage has been lost to me to the point that it's just a piece of paper. Sure it's a bit more cumbersome to split but that didn't stop the split.
Sigh. Who knows. Never say never. And perhaps I'm still going through much healing. I should ask my counselor this one day.
Friday, February 19, 2016
Thursday, February 11, 2016
Flight mate
On my first solo trip overseas, I flew to Melbourne to escape the Chinese New Year. A brilliant idea which took seed on my birthday when I spent a miserable day being reminded how alone I was despite friends trying to celebrate with me and cheering me up.
Anyway, at the start of my 7.5 hour flight, I was happy that I was assigned to a window seat, my favourite. However, upon getting to my seat, a little Chinese girl sitting in the middle seat politely asked if I minded changing seats with her so that she could look out the window. :( How could I say no?
I ended up sitting on the aisle with her father in between us. They could not speak much English but the father knew more English words than I knew Mandarin so in many broken sentences punctuated by hand gestures, we started communicating. He was sending his daughter to a school in Hobart, Tasmania for a month. Sort of like an overseas exposure programme. Which is a great idea. Except I didn't understand when I asked how she would survive if she didn't know a word of English and he said she didn't need to. Perhaps this is a Chinese school.
He shared how excited he was that China is now finally allowing a second child policy and he hopes to work hard to earn money to afford a second child. It would be their present to their daughter, a sibling. Again, I am reminded how I take having my siblings for granted and I'm grateful for having 3 siblings who have been there throughout the hardest part of 2015.
Since this was their first trip to Australia, I sort of became a tour guide, helped them understand the flight attendant when they came by with their food trays, helping him fill out the immigration form, telling his how strict Australia is on food that is brought in. The little girl then commented to her father how helpful I was. That was heartwarming.
I now have a friend from Yu Nan Kunming :)
An Indian guy overheard my advice asked me if I was from Melbourne as we waited for our luggage. He wanted to know where he could get wifi and I simply told him, right here where you're standing :) Thank you Melbourne Airport for the free working wifi (unlike Singapore Airport where you'll have to go to the counter and ask for a password to log in).
Maybe my knack of meeting random people asking for directions in KL is what the universe wants me to do, be a tour guide sort of thing. But one thing for sure, I do enjoy meeting people on a one on one basis, getting to know them and their story. This is surprising because I think I'm an introvert. Maybe my friend Audrey is right, I'm an ambivert.
Time and more experience will tell and perhaps reveal who I really am inside.
Anyway, at the start of my 7.5 hour flight, I was happy that I was assigned to a window seat, my favourite. However, upon getting to my seat, a little Chinese girl sitting in the middle seat politely asked if I minded changing seats with her so that she could look out the window. :( How could I say no?
I ended up sitting on the aisle with her father in between us. They could not speak much English but the father knew more English words than I knew Mandarin so in many broken sentences punctuated by hand gestures, we started communicating. He was sending his daughter to a school in Hobart, Tasmania for a month. Sort of like an overseas exposure programme. Which is a great idea. Except I didn't understand when I asked how she would survive if she didn't know a word of English and he said she didn't need to. Perhaps this is a Chinese school.
He shared how excited he was that China is now finally allowing a second child policy and he hopes to work hard to earn money to afford a second child. It would be their present to their daughter, a sibling. Again, I am reminded how I take having my siblings for granted and I'm grateful for having 3 siblings who have been there throughout the hardest part of 2015.
Since this was their first trip to Australia, I sort of became a tour guide, helped them understand the flight attendant when they came by with their food trays, helping him fill out the immigration form, telling his how strict Australia is on food that is brought in. The little girl then commented to her father how helpful I was. That was heartwarming.
I now have a friend from Yu Nan Kunming :)
An Indian guy overheard my advice asked me if I was from Melbourne as we waited for our luggage. He wanted to know where he could get wifi and I simply told him, right here where you're standing :) Thank you Melbourne Airport for the free working wifi (unlike Singapore Airport where you'll have to go to the counter and ask for a password to log in).
Maybe my knack of meeting random people asking for directions in KL is what the universe wants me to do, be a tour guide sort of thing. But one thing for sure, I do enjoy meeting people on a one on one basis, getting to know them and their story. This is surprising because I think I'm an introvert. Maybe my friend Audrey is right, I'm an ambivert.
Time and more experience will tell and perhaps reveal who I really am inside.
Police stops?
The same young Uber driver from the first story also had a second story. I tell you I was never more amused in one ride than with that guy so far.
He had attempted to night shift, to see how it was like. It was a busy weekend night and his services were called for almost non-stop. Most of the passengers were drunk (I pointed out, thankfully no one threw up in his car!) except for one couple.
They got into the car and halfway through their journey, the guy casually asked if there were road blocks along the way.
It probably wouldn't strike me immediately as to why this was a strange question but then, if they were drunk, the driver certainly wasn't. So there should not have been any concern if there were police road blocks along the way. This smart Uber driver then deduced that this couple probably had drugs on them and that they were concerned if they would be pulled over and discovered!
The more he thought about it, the more certain he was and again, he drove as quickly as he could back to their place!
He was panicking again, what if there really was a road block and they were caught for drug trafficking. Would he be able to say he was just their Uber driver and not involved in distributing drugs? No joke because in Malaysia, you WILL get hanged for drugs. Then again, being a Uber driver is not exactly legal just yet in Malaysia, so either way he will get into trouble!
So that was his one and only night shift as a Uber driver. So drama!
He had attempted to night shift, to see how it was like. It was a busy weekend night and his services were called for almost non-stop. Most of the passengers were drunk (I pointed out, thankfully no one threw up in his car!) except for one couple.
They got into the car and halfway through their journey, the guy casually asked if there were road blocks along the way.
It probably wouldn't strike me immediately as to why this was a strange question but then, if they were drunk, the driver certainly wasn't. So there should not have been any concern if there were police road blocks along the way. This smart Uber driver then deduced that this couple probably had drugs on them and that they were concerned if they would be pulled over and discovered!
The more he thought about it, the more certain he was and again, he drove as quickly as he could back to their place!
He was panicking again, what if there really was a road block and they were caught for drug trafficking. Would he be able to say he was just their Uber driver and not involved in distributing drugs? No joke because in Malaysia, you WILL get hanged for drugs. Then again, being a Uber driver is not exactly legal just yet in Malaysia, so either way he will get into trouble!
So that was his one and only night shift as a Uber driver. So drama!
Blindsided
One of my rides on a Uber recently led me to think about starting this blog actually. He was this young guy who started doing Uber full time for 3 weeks at that point.
He happily launched into his tale as he was still recovering from the shock of the experience even though it happened a week before. He had picked up this Malay girl from Brickfields who's destination was the emergency section of a nearby hospital on a Sunday night at 10pm.
Upon reaching the pick up point, he called her to say he had arrived but had driven a few meters ahead as there was no parking. He then asked her to look for him when she said she couldn't. He then demanded, "Why not? I'm not very far away and for me to turn back won't make sense!"
Her soft reply, "I can't come to you because I'm blind..."
He immediately felt so remorseful and profusely apologized, stopped his car and went to look for her.
As he started the journey, she started to draw deep breaths and hyperventilate. He quickly looked at her and asked what was wrong. She was having an asthma attack which was why she quickly needed to get to the emergency section of the hospital!
He was like, FML what if something happens to her in the car, why didn't she call an ambulance (let's just say taking a Uber is faster than an ambulance in Malaysia)... He drove like crazy, thankful it was a Sunday night without much traffic and he got there is record time. He jumped out of his car and called the nurse to bring a wheelchair to his passenger, all the while panicking like crazy.
I couldn't help but laugh at his story telling as he reenacted his reactions. I said it might be helpful to learn CPR or some basic first aid in case something like this happens again. He said he'd rather hope that it doesn't happen again but was more humbled that this girl was being independent, living on her own and getting her own transport to the hospital without relying on other despite being blind.
I also praised him of his kindness not to stop and drop her off despite his fear in that situation. I then shared I had gone for Dialogue in the Dark, where I experienced how to navigate from one place to another in complete darkness. It was a good reminder that we take things like our sight for granted. If I remember correctly, it is better to grasp their elbow or let them hold on to you than holding them by their wrist or palms. For more info, Dialogue in the Dark has a centre at Jaya One in Petaling Jaya that he could visit one day.
So that was my bit of contribution to him :)
He happily launched into his tale as he was still recovering from the shock of the experience even though it happened a week before. He had picked up this Malay girl from Brickfields who's destination was the emergency section of a nearby hospital on a Sunday night at 10pm.
Upon reaching the pick up point, he called her to say he had arrived but had driven a few meters ahead as there was no parking. He then asked her to look for him when she said she couldn't. He then demanded, "Why not? I'm not very far away and for me to turn back won't make sense!"
Her soft reply, "I can't come to you because I'm blind..."
He immediately felt so remorseful and profusely apologized, stopped his car and went to look for her.
As he started the journey, she started to draw deep breaths and hyperventilate. He quickly looked at her and asked what was wrong. She was having an asthma attack which was why she quickly needed to get to the emergency section of the hospital!
He was like, FML what if something happens to her in the car, why didn't she call an ambulance (let's just say taking a Uber is faster than an ambulance in Malaysia)... He drove like crazy, thankful it was a Sunday night without much traffic and he got there is record time. He jumped out of his car and called the nurse to bring a wheelchair to his passenger, all the while panicking like crazy.
I couldn't help but laugh at his story telling as he reenacted his reactions. I said it might be helpful to learn CPR or some basic first aid in case something like this happens again. He said he'd rather hope that it doesn't happen again but was more humbled that this girl was being independent, living on her own and getting her own transport to the hospital without relying on other despite being blind.
I also praised him of his kindness not to stop and drop her off despite his fear in that situation. I then shared I had gone for Dialogue in the Dark, where I experienced how to navigate from one place to another in complete darkness. It was a good reminder that we take things like our sight for granted. If I remember correctly, it is better to grasp their elbow or let them hold on to you than holding them by their wrist or palms. For more info, Dialogue in the Dark has a centre at Jaya One in Petaling Jaya that he could visit one day.
So that was my bit of contribution to him :)
Hello
Welcome to my new blog. I have not blogged in a year, for a good reason. I'll explain that one day as I still am unable to explain without choking on tears at this stage.
The short of it is that I'm now a divorcee and I'm still trying to grapple with my daily life. While I've been hiding from posting anything much on social media, there are still stories in me that need to be told. An outlet of interesting tales from meeting different people since my separation.
I've been taking a lot of Uber/GrabCar to get from one place to another and I make it a point to get to know the person behind the wheel. Most have been friendly and they really are a different breed of Malaysians.
So here's hoping that my fascination of listening to their stories will lead me to jot them down here in this new blog. Yes, it's other people's stories but heck, I need an outlet to express myself, if it isn't about myself, so be it. I have to start somewhere.
Some thoughts about my new life. Travelling has started to become more of meeting people, getting to know strangers and their stories. My camera was hardly touched, mainly because I know I will not publish these photos anywhere. Wait, maybe in this new blog I just might for my own viewing pleasure.
On top of that, I have also been concerned about my finances. How do I manage a finite resource to match a finite life? It's all about balancing the risk, should I be investing for retirements or should I take the money and travel while I still can? How does one shift their life plan at the age of 40?
When our beliefs are completely shattered, can we ever predict who we may become?
Here's my discovering journey.
The short of it is that I'm now a divorcee and I'm still trying to grapple with my daily life. While I've been hiding from posting anything much on social media, there are still stories in me that need to be told. An outlet of interesting tales from meeting different people since my separation.
I've been taking a lot of Uber/GrabCar to get from one place to another and I make it a point to get to know the person behind the wheel. Most have been friendly and they really are a different breed of Malaysians.
So here's hoping that my fascination of listening to their stories will lead me to jot them down here in this new blog. Yes, it's other people's stories but heck, I need an outlet to express myself, if it isn't about myself, so be it. I have to start somewhere.
Some thoughts about my new life. Travelling has started to become more of meeting people, getting to know strangers and their stories. My camera was hardly touched, mainly because I know I will not publish these photos anywhere. Wait, maybe in this new blog I just might for my own viewing pleasure.
On top of that, I have also been concerned about my finances. How do I manage a finite resource to match a finite life? It's all about balancing the risk, should I be investing for retirements or should I take the money and travel while I still can? How does one shift their life plan at the age of 40?
When our beliefs are completely shattered, can we ever predict who we may become?
Here's my discovering journey.
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